just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My dick has a subreddit
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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