we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
