i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
