worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
