There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize