if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize