I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
