1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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