I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize