im six kinds of drunk right now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
