my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
