According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize