And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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