Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am mentally ready for anal.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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