haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
