ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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