Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He felt like a one man threesome
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
