we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize