hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
