Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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