It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
