we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
