i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
