She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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