dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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