I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
