Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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