She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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