guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
