put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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