Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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