we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize