I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
