I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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