I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
