Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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