its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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