so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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