Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
