Why does Corona taste like a burp?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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