if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize