I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
