dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
