In America we eat man semen.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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