she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
