Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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