I'm going to jail i love you
Do you still have your period?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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