I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
