I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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