the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
