just tell him i said nine months
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
