If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
