i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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