it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
