Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
