Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
