Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
