then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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