I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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