Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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