the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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