His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
