evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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