I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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