I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
