I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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