apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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