Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
