I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
