don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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