Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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