I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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